Tuesday, 26 August 2008

Thanks buddy!

I’ve never been the ‘other party’ – the one who ‘stole’ a partner from their wife. I’d rather eat my own foot than break up a marriage. My mother had a great saying - ‘never take something that doesn’t belong to you as it will never bring you happiness’. I always apply that to other people’s men and let’s face it, as a rule if a guy or girl strays to be with you, you can be fairly sure that they will probably eventually stray to be with someone else. There are of course exceptions to the rule and if you are in a loveless marriage, you made a mistake, married too young, just fell out of love then why stay? Crikey, on the wedding day of my first marriage I knew I’d made a huge mistake. I sat in the back of the wedding car wondering what the hell I had just done. It was like a bolt through my heart but I stayed with that relationship until he found someone else and we broke up. It was an amicable break up, we remain friends of a sort but the woman that he left me for is one of my best friends almost 30 years later.

You might wonder why I became friends with her when she ‘stole’ my husband. The truth of the matter is that she only took what I didn’t want and what I was prepared to give away. It may have been a very different story had I been in love with him and felt that my life was over had he left me. As I constantly remind her, I got the better end of the deal. I got a tremendously loyal, kind and caring friend out of it and she got my wayward disloyal husband who was quite a pill from time to time. She also got my love, devotion and loyalty for the rest of our lives.

They met when he was on a business trip to the USA. He wasn’t wearing his wedding ring and then when the truth could not be hidden any longer he eventually told her he was married but that his wife didn’t understand him blah blah blah. The trouble was that I understood him only too well and knew that he often played away from home. You see, we worked for the same large blue chip corporation and the world is a small place at times. There were people very loyal to me that let it be known what he was up to but he was a consummate liar and often thought he had convinced me otherwise. I am sure he knew deep down that wasn’t the case for I refused to have intimate relations with him without protection as I was never sure what he might bring home with him. It was certainly a coming home gift I was prepared to forego.

I knew when he returned from this one particular business trip that something was wrong, that he was different. He was subdued, evasive and really rather cruel. He couldn’t meet my gaze and was altogether shifty – not that this was new behaviour – but I just knew some kind of seismic shift had taken place but couldn’t put my finger on what it was. It was a difficult period for although I didn’t love him nor really want him, I was rocked that my world as I knew it was crumbling. I had known deep down that it would have been he who left me for I had been brought up to get on with it and make the best of it. His ego and needs were such that he couldn’t remain in a marriage where intimate relations were a distant memory. No matter that he had brought that part of it on himself, he wouldn’t and couldn’t see that his infidelity had contributed to that. To be fair, he probably knew that I didn’t love him and he went off looking for love elsewhere.

We went through the usual cat and mouse games whilst he refused to admit he had strayed again. I caught him having furtive phone calls to the States late at night where he’d look guilty and say that it was a client. I found myself checking his receipts, the phone bill, our bank account for traces of betrayal to home in on. It wasn’t the fact that he had strayed that was a problem – I found I cared less and less about that as time went on – it was his duplicity that drove me nuts and his belief that I was stupid enough to believe his lies. He found it so easy to convince me that the silent phone calls when I answered the phone were all in my imagination. He had a plausible excuse for every receipt he carelessly left around for me to devour in my quest to be proved right that he was having an affair. I knew this was different, it wasn’t a meaningless indiscretion on a business trip, this was a threat to my world as I knew it. I felt rather sordid sneaking a look through his brief case and wallet and jacket pockets when he was asleep, or mindlessly hitting the redial key on the phone to see if I could catch him out. God, the amount of useless conversations I had with plumbers, takeaway places and such like was becoming embarrassing after a while. When I look back at that young woman of 23 I see an inexperienced and quite quite scared little girl who was terrified of losing him. He was the only family I had in London when I moved south from Glasgow and as a quite domineering character, my only real friend, or so I thought. He had quite cleverly isolated me from my friends and family to the point I was alone. I understand the behaviour well enough now and recognise it for what it is and would never get myself involved with someone so controlling again but at the time, I was confused and alone.

In time, his feelings for his new paramour spilled over into our lives. We sat and had a bottle of wine together and he felt brave enough to show me photo’s of her. She was a stunning red head with flowing long hair which I immediately envied. She was a truly sexy girl and I envied him his new relationship and happiness for it was something we had never had together. But more importantly, I felt relief. Relief that I finally knew the truth and that I wasn’t going mad and that I could stop the furtive amateur detective work that had so engaged my every waking moment. It took us much too long to break up – about eighteen months as far as I remember – but eventually he moved out into rented accommodation and finally she came.

My God, my curiosity was high. My soon to be ex in-laws lived over the road from me and on her first visit to them I got a perfectly good front seat to watch and evaluate this nemesis from. I did a quick overall look, a quick mental check of her bits in comparison to mine and then when I could not find her wanting, sat back deflated. I had so hoped that she would have had warts, an arse the size of Red Rum and a stoop for good measure. There she was, just a perfectly normal and very pretty girl who had made the biggest move of her life to come to live in London to be with her paramour.

It was new territory for me. I wasn’t sure how I’d behave when or if we met. I didn’t know if I’d suddenly want to scratch her eyes out if I came across her unprepared. But I knew we would eventually meet. My ex and I remained on good terms, so good in fact that people at work often remarked about our having lunch together and often in high spirits. It was true that we made better friends than we did husband and wife. I felt happy for him and his eyes would light up whenever we talked about her and I knew that I would like her.

And so it came to pass, the day arrived that we had talked about on the phone and promised to arrange. I dressed to kill for I didn’t want her to think I was a frump and that she had somehow taken my man – I wanted her to know in no uncertain terms that she’d picked up my castoff. No matter how it had ended, for some strange reason I needed to boost my self esteem, to be important and not a diminished washout of an ex for her to pity. And of course, I’d recently been through the divorce diet and lost whatever excess weight that had languished before so now I could wear clothes in a size that I had previously only dreamt about. We met on neutral territory and I was as nervous as hell. I almost didn’t go in and stopped in my tracks just outside to gather myself and wondered if I stayed there too long would I just bolt. I forced the door open with more push than was necessary and walked on in, shoulders back, head held high. I saw her immediately. She was even more beautiful close up. We greeted each other somewhat curiously – her more than me for she hadn’t seen me or indeed a photo – and within minutes we were gassing away like old pals.

I’d spend my days off with her, she’d cut my hair for she was a terrifically talented hairdresser but I insisted that she cut it before we devoured two bottles of wine. By this time I too had met and fallen madly in love with another colleague and as we all got on well, we socialised often together. It was a particularly happy time in my life and I often wished that if I had known how it would all work out then I would have spent so much less time trying to cling to a dead marriage that was no more stable than a ship wreck. I had an illusion of stability that never existed. In time, he relocated to the States and I cried my eyes out for the friend he took away from me. I had grown to love her better than a sister and it damn near broke my heart when she went. As I rose up the corporate ladder I spent more and more time in the States on business so we managed to get time together. I would often drop in to stay with them at the end of a business trip and everything was just so bloody great. Until he went and ruined it again.

My friend confided in me that she thought he was having an affair; that she knew who it was as she’d seen her around the office. I felt so useless as she was heavily pregnant and needed her man but he was busy making plans to move on. There were no ‘I told you so’s’ when he left her for another. I had always told her that she’d freed me from a life of commitment to a man that I didn’t love but didn’t know how to leave. I was grateful to her and thought her a much better match for him so I had high hopes that this would last for them. Towards the end I spent some time staying with them and he was cruel and indifferent to her just as he had been with me at the end of our marriage. On some level he felt guilt and this was his way of dealing with it.

My friend’s predicament broke my heart for she was vulnerable and lost. He went, she carried on with life as a single parent and brought up a son to be proud of. She is a fantastic mother and has devoted her life to her son, never marrying again – yet. She remains my closest friend to this day as I can tell her everything and anything and she treats my confidences with respect and keeps them close to her as I do for her. I love this woman with all my heart and know that she loves me too. The love of a close friend is an incredibly pure one that shifts mountains and stays with you for life if you are incredibly lucky. It sees you through the bad times and is your safety harness when all else seems lost. We pick up conversations where we left off months before and our dialogue is seamless and we never have to say sorry. My only regret is that she lives in the USA and I am here. I continue to hope that she’ll meet another Englishman and come here to live. We don’t get together like we used to and have become lazy at arranging that but one day, it may just be too late. She constantly asks us to come for a break and I constantly say of course then worry about leaving the dogs behind. I constantly suggest she comes here for a break, she says yes then worries about leaving her son and the dog too. But thank God for phones and email. We have the closeness of a dear friendship even if we don’t have the physicality of it. I am enriched by her presence in my life.

And so dear Crisco Kid – happy birthday my darling pal and darned good bezzie mate. Long may you live a happy and prosperous life full of the love you deserve and thank you for being such a great role model for a daft wee lassie from Glasgow.

I love you babes and if you need me just call.

Sorry guys if you want to leave a comment you will need to go through the crud of entering a code. I've had to turn on the moderating feature for I had a particularly vicious and very abusive comment left on my last post which I have deleted altogether for it was horribly sullied by the troll. I did however keep a copy of the post and her comments in Word so no problem producing the evidence when needed for the cops. Oh and the sheer beauty of it all is that I tracked a copy of the unique IP address and I know exactly where it is - so local you wouldn't believe it!

Oh and as a final note dear D - you are very much on track for being the same kind of friend as the Crisco Kid. You are talented, adorable, kind, intelligent and so very nice to know. Great old chat today and thanks you are a great support after the horrid after effects of the troll. She knows that I know who she is and I hope she is deeply ashamed for the very personal vitriolic diatribe that she left on my post. It was truly shocking and deeply disturbing and she needs help. Alcohol eh?


Gill - That British Woman said...

what a great story, you have a lot of compassion in your heart, thanks for popping by my blog.

I also have had to moderate my comments, because some moron decided to have a go????

Keep up the good work,

Gill in Canada

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Gill, your blog is always a great read too. Yes this vicious troll is indeed a bit of a nightmare but in all reality just a sad person with no life and so I shall ignore her poisonous remarks. I have to say, that I have never read such deeply nasty stuff and it shows the state of her heart and mind. Pure evil if you ask me.

As for my friend - she really is the one with the compassionate heart. She is gentle and wise and a joy to know.

Mopsa said...

What an intriguing tale - I wonder how unusual or common your situation is? And how great to have secured a fab friend through all this. And bollocks to the evil commentators; if they dont like what they read, either make with the buttons and go away, or say so without dumping humanity outside the office door (or wherever they do their surfing).

Bear Naked said...

What a beautiful tribute to your friend.
I hope that both of you will be able to visit together in the near future.

Bear((( )))

belle said...

Beautifully told, mob, and says a huge amount about your qualities as a friend. The only thing I can say about your ex is that he clearly has great taste in women.

So sorry you've been attacked by trolls. Not nice for anyone. Glad you're still blogging though :)

aims said...

Oh MOB - I too have a friendship like that - and in the USA as well!
She was a passing flame for an old lover of mine....poor thing. But - our friendship outlasted that event in her life and her breast cancer...something I wanted to be there for her over and couldn't...but still we survived!

As for trolls...sheer jealousy and you know it! And Debs will always come through on everything won't she? Fab women - the 2 of you!

Happy Birthday to your friend. May she live long and prosper!

Anonymous said...

Beautiful post. You are very blessed.

CJ xx

auntiegwen said...

Mob - you are a truly magnificent and magnanimous woman. This story confirms that you have a heart of gold.
Every piece of joy that comes your way is well deserved.

Happy birthday to your friend

With love from a fellow ex wife xxx

ps sorry about the nasty troll

ciara said...

mob-that was very nice. funny how we find the best of friends even under the most unusual of circumstances.

trolls suck...they're not even worth the time, and you know how some people have to say nasty things just so they can feel better. quite sad, really.

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Mopsa - it was easy to like her and even easier to love her too. I think when a relationship ends there is no need for bitterness and get along with all but one of my ex's. One ex is a bloke that I dated before my now husband and I was in a vulnerable place when I let that eejit into my life. I basically made the same choice to date a controlling character very much like my ex husband and my father. I binned him when he suggested I sleep with a stranger whilst he watched! Fuckwit!

As for the evil commentator - I am deeply upset that she has sullied my blog. For her to take a composite character and attribute the traits to herself and then attack me shows exactly what she is - I had no idea of exactly how pathologically unsound she would seem to be - one hell of a shock to me. She couldn't have advertised it better and I and my husband are incandescent with anger at her.

Bear - thanks she deserves such an accolade as she is a very nice person. I think we might just make the effort to get together sooner rather than later.

Belle - she certainly brings out the best in me as that is the type of person she is. As for the troll - jealousy eh? Nasty emotion makes people do nasty things. I am deeply upset that this woman has chosen to attempt to bully me again only this time in writing. Now that everyone who reads my blog has seen it I don't have to explain to them why she was dropped from our circle.

Aims - what a lovely comment to leave. Some people are just meant to be in your life no matter how you meet them and I'm glad you have such a friend too. Yup D is just so bloody great - but don't tell her, her head will swell! She let me rant yesterday as I was in shock and deeply upset about all this. I knew the troll read my blog so why the hell would I write something about her so she could be deeply nasty back? I was already very aware of her verbal trouncing when she gets ridiculously drunk so why the feck would I give her a shot at me in writing? I'd already got her out of my life pretty much and she was no longer a problem. Still, it has served a purpose I suppose and you guys are all so very supportive. Do you remember the cretin that had a go at you on the blog awards? Sicko.
Funnily enough the main protagonist in the story is someone I can't shake off as she still sends birthday and Christmas cards and those horrible bloody round robin letters bigging herself up every Christmas. She got her partner to sign a will on her death bed because she wanted to disinherit her two children from her marriage! Her partner survived but died about six months later and didn’t really forgive her for her callous act that day although why she never changed her will back I don’t know. . I know for a fact that had she the strength she would have left her but her near death experience left her weak and vulnerable. The best bit about it all was that the ex husband challenged the will and got a sizeable inheritance for the kids. She was beside herself with rage but the courts didn’t give a shit! Tee hee!

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

CJ - thanks dearheart!

Auntie - actualy I can be like that but mostly I am a grumpy menopausaloldbag who moans a lot when my HRT doesn't work!

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Oops forgive the crap spelling today - not having a good day so far!

Anonymous said...

What a moving story. I can relate to some of the things you have been through. It has really touched me. TTx

WT said...

When I tell people my wife doesn't understand me, they think it's just a pick-up line. But I'm serious, she really doesn't understand me, and let my mistake be a lesson to you, if you are ever going to get yourself a mail order bride, steer clear of Eastern bloc countries.

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

I have posted this with the permission of the Crisco Kid who sent me an email. She made me blub big time!


You are a master of words and I am speechless to respond. I stole away from my work to read your blog site multiple times, with tears welling each time. I was so touched and honored by this action on your part, and can only count my blessings you are in my life. I have so many thoughts about what you shared and your decision to do so is remarkable on so many levels. On this occasion, your words were a gift that you have given to both of us.

Unfortunately, I cannot provide the kind of response to you that I would like to as I am wrapping up a project and will be on an airplane in a few hours to Minneapolis. For now, although not nearly enough to do you justice, please accept my gratitude. It is so fitting that you have chosen to pursue your passion and love of writing and you now bring so many others together who reach out to provide support for one another. How fortunate everyone is to learn how amazing you truly are!

I can’t believe you remembered the Crisco Kid reference!

Love and kisses,


P.S. I don’t have the hang of blogging yet and can’t use my work laptop to blog. I will figure something out eventually…

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Aha Willowtree - a mail order blide? You are summat of a nutter dear boy! Good laugh as usual.

Anonymous said...

Nice to see you back for real and on such great form
Trolls best with them is not to feed them, they wilt and go green

Irene said...

I stole my husband from his 10 year relationship with a French woman and now he has allowed himself to be stolen after a 14 year marriage to me. It is okay, it was time for him to go and I am better off without him. But once they stray, they will always stray. Some people aren't meant for happily ever after, maybe I aren't either. I am happy on my own,though, but I have no idea how the French woman is doing.

Suzysoo said...

Your ex must have been a few sandwiches short of the picnic hamper to let not one, but two of you slip away!

I wonder if this particular troll was one of those with blue hair and a lip-piercing!

Bless you, MOB, you don't deserve that kind of shite.

Whenever you miss your friend, remember this: if you can have someone so near to you behave like that towards you, and someone on the other side of the ocean and be true friends for all those years, then it shows that the miles between you don't really matter at all and never will.

Hugs to you.

Be happy xx

P.s. Have i sent this twice now? Sorry

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Valleys Mam - you always say such nice stuff that I doubt I deserve when I am in full bitchy moan! But, hopefully those days are gone or at least diminishing as I surround myself with more positive people in my life. We are very fortunate to have some great friends that live near us and that we socialise with often. I realised some time ago, (a few months after my HRT finally started to work!), that my whole attitude and priorities to life needed an overhaul and am slowly making inroads. I am so excited about my new direction and goals. I am very fortunate to have a husband and family and friends that love me and that I love very much too. Writing about that time with my Crisco Kid pal reminded me of the girl I used to be and whilst I will never be young and that slim again I can certainly continue to surround myself with people that bring out the best in me. I have neglected life a bit and some of my female friends by being lazy about seeing them – I just had no energy at all or interest in life in general for a couple of years – and that is changing. A trip to a great health hydro with my pal B is on the cards and that’s as good as anywhere to start a new routine! There’s been too much negativity in my life for the last few years and by heaven’s that is draining. So onwards and upwards and the troll?; yesterdays fish and chip paper!

Irene – I have been a bit remiss in visiting you and keeping up with your story. You sound more peaceful with your situation now and that is great. I don’t think a partner can be stolen if they are happy in the relationship but if they are a hard dog to keep on the porch then you are on a hiding to nothing. I think on balance some people just aren’t good at commitment or become serial husbands/wives /partners who are addicted to the falling in love part at the beginning. I can understand that as it is the most delicious feeling but you would surely drop dead from extended madness! And some people leave because it just isn’t working. Only you can know what category your man fitted into to but as long as you are at peace and happy that’s the most important thing.

Suzysoo – aw ta hen for such a nice comment! I think that personalities played a big part. Me and the Crisco Kid were too strong for him and he needed a more placid personality which he now has. He seems happy enough and I’m glad for him in many ways. I certainly don’t hate him but there were times I didn’t like his behaviour. I just didn’t love him. End of story really. I am so glad that I have the fantastic husband that I have now. He’s a real gem and I love him very much. By contrast my wedding day to ‘himself’ was the happiest day of my life. I couldn’t believe how happy I was and still am.

Thanks for the supportive message re the troll. You can only pity people that leave such venomous crud and have such hatred in their heart. Luckily there are a few of us close bloggers that talk on the phone so the airwaves have been red hot about this troll and the trolls they had pee on their patch! After the dreadful shock at the sheer nastiness of it, it’s been quite a laugh. Originally it took my breath away – especially the veiled threat in it that said 'I dont suppose he will do anything to you as he is much too nice a person for that'.

It’s a particularly vindictive comment and I am still considering talking to the police about it and at least telling them what I know just in case she becomes volatile. But at least it’s all documented! Hugs to all!

Neil said...

Hey... thanks for dropping by recently. Very moving story, brilliantly written. We Scots are right good with the words and grammar proper and all that, eh?

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Neil, I've just read your blog on your world holiday travels. Absolutely brilliantly written and so incredibly funny. For you to pay me such a great compliment on my blog is just wonderful. Thank you - I'l stick you on my blog roll fellow Scot!

farming-frenchstyle said...

What a lovely story about your friend. I, too, knew I'd made a mistake on my wedding day. "So near, yet so far (from being single)" were my thoughts. We lasted 13 years, had three lovely kids and he moved us to France, because it was too expensive to ditch me in England. After the first year we had the sit-down talk - initiated by him. It was a shock when it came, but it was what I wanted. (Not the shock!) I met a single englishman, and took my ex-husband's advice - find yourself a good women! Ex-husband never thought that he would pinch his! We've been together for 10 years and married for 8, and still live in France.

I do believe in life after death!

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Hi Farming Frenchstyle - so nice to see you back blogging. You were quiet for a while. Love your story and glad that you sound happy. I'll pop over for a visit soon.

Robin said...

Mob, I am just now catching up. I am sorry about the troll but I am glad you had help putting it in perspective. I read it takes 99 "atta boys" to erase one critisism. I hope you are almost even. Here's one more - I love reading your blog and I think you should plan a reunion with the Crisco Kid immediately. Life is too short. Think of this - If you can rebound even stronger from a cheating husband, a troll will have no power over you.

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Robin - thank you so very much for such a terrific endorsement and your support. I love your stories about the geeks so will be over to catch up. Just so busy ploughing through this novel of mine that I am writing at the moment.

Oh to hell with the troll misfit eh?!

A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

Dear MOB, just catching up with your life, and with the good and the bad. I know of so many ex-wives who have become firm friends - and this has been my experience too. As for nasty face and the vitriol, just move on. It's horrible when you get nasty comments (and mine, though not terrible, was anonymous), we Bloggers are survivors. M :-)

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Ah a mothers place is in the wrong – she’s more misunderstood really than nasty. Her mother, is according to her, quite an unpleasant person, very controlling and highly critical. I see the same behaviour in her as she is critical of others and she must control her partner and the relationships around her yet she is desperate to see herself as a totally different person. Her father was apparently quite a placid and laid back man and she sees herself very much like him but nothing could be further from the truth. This is a woman that hates her mother’s behaviour simply because she is just like her and rejects it because she finds it is unpalatable to be like her. If only she could see that what she hates in her mother’s behaviour is what the rest of us finds uncomfortable and unpalatable in her too. There is an old saying that what you hate in others is often a reflection of yourself and I tend to find it true in the majority of cases. I am hopeful that she recognises this and makes moves to get a greater understanding of her behaviour and try to make some changes.
There are times when she can be rather nice and we got on rather well but over this last year her behaviour is inconsistent in that she can be volatile on a on a lot of occasions, too many to tell her now, but she has become verbally abusive. As such we have had to stay away because the inconsistency became a problem and we never knew when she was going to lash out verbally. The times that I have been with her that have degenerated into abusive situations have increased greatly over the last year or so and my friends and family have had to witness this awful thing. I have been immensely patient with her but it hurts and I decided last year to back away. To be honest, a few years ago there is no way that she would have verbally abused me more than once but as I have grown older I have tried to become more tolerant. Not any more though eh?

Anonymous said...

MOB - what a great new attitude -way to go girlfriend,

A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

Dear MOB, she is obviously delusional as well as extremely unpleasant - and you shouldn't have to suffer any of that. As you say, and quite rightly - not any more. There are plenty of people out here who value you, your insights and views, your gift for storytelling, and your wonderful honesty. Don't ever lose sight of that. Love and thoughts M xx

Retiredandcrazy said...

I had vitriolic comment too MOB. It was on, of all things, my granddaugters wedding blog. I had to delete the blog, but there are some wackos out there aren't there?

Anonymous said...

I love coming to your blog. Sorry you had to deal with a evil troll, they do pop up now and then.

This is such a wonderful story. I read it twice because there are so many lessons and wisdom in what you write.

I am thrilled that you have this special friendship. It so could have gone the other way, but you both opened your hearts and looked at the situation honestly. What a gift for both of you.


menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Valley’s Mam – yup my whole attitude is going through a revamp! When you spend time with people who would gladly sit knitting at the side of a guillotine and kick the heads into a basket when they land next to them, it tends to rub off on you! No more miserable, negative, spiteful, jealous, vindictive people in our lives! You end up being like them!

A Mother’s place – it is precisely that she can’t compete in this sphere that caused her the most annoyance – well that and one other area – she wouldn’t give you a kick to take you out of a fit that one. We knew she was reading the blog but not once could she bring herself to say she was reading it or what she thought of it. I knew she was green with envy from some of the things she said when rat arsed on a regular basis. We just expected negative comments and dirty looks as that became her modus operandi – it was like socialising with a Borg from Star Trek. She is history at last, thank God. But thanks to you for such great comments they are very touching and mean a lot to me.

Retired and Crazy – nasty swine sticking it on your daughter’s wedding blog. Hope she paid no attention to it.

Eileen – ta hen for such nice remarks. No worries about the Fat conTROLLer as she is now called in our house! Shame, her partner is a lovely person and very kind and funny. I think in some ways it must have been hard for her as myself, himself and her partner all had a very keen sense of humour where she has none and she was hard pushed to keep up. Or more to the point didn’t want to. Oh never mind for we have moved on and are enjoying our life without it.