I made the final ten...........

.......How cool is that then? Crikey, I go away to Scotland for ten days, get back and it’s all kicked off – I made it to the final top 10 of the Funniest Blog Award. I am happier than a pig in shit at such an accolade. Come to think of it, what with me being a bit of a lardy arse sitting here melting in this heat we have been getting lately, I’m starting to smell like one too. Better get out and run myself through the sheep dip in the field at the back – I can de-flea and de-tick myself at the same time. I need to be in tip top condition if I am to meet my public – queue a pedicure and manicure to get my crusty old trotters into ship shape condition; queue a 10k liposuction procedure to remove the cellulite from my cellulite from my cellulite; queue an intensive hair treatment from a hairdresser who performs miracles on menopausaloldbags who have hair like a burst couch that constantly traps combs in it that have to be surgically removed and finally, queue some geezer with a trowel, pollyfilla and a sander to prepare the old fisog for at least three inches of slap to try in a vain attempt to knock ten years off myself. Alternatively maybe I could kill two birds with one stone and get my hair scraped right back into the tightest of pony tails, thus achieving that sink-estate face lift look, I could save a fortune. Either way, looking like a munta is not a good look.

But wait....what am I talking about? Why the panic? We’re anonymous! Ha ha! No need to change out of my stained and grubby housecoat that I’ve been knocking about in for two days; no need to run myself through that sheep dip after all, although come to think of it, my hunkymanthing has been sitting here with a mask on for two days or so – I thought he was spray painting our old garden furniture – perhaps I am minging more than normal. Oh well can’t do any harm to have a quick run through – at least I can rid myself of that swarm of flies that have been hovering around my bonce. So, how fab is that then? No need to pull out all the stops for no one but my dogs and the hubby can see me. But dear god, really, when I look in the mirror I realise just how far I have morphed into Waynetta Slob , she of the face like a greasy pizza, so perhaps an overhaul is long overdue. So, dear peeps, I shall make the effort for if you look good, you feel good and who cares if it’s only the spilled and congealed egg yolk on my housecoat that is keeping it together, darn it, I’ll bite the bullet, have it surgically removed from my pasty white frame and wash it.

So, now that I have my personal hygiene and grooming plan in place I want to mention two other bloggers that are nominated for glory in their own categories; the delightful AIMS of bigbluebarnwest; a prolific writer who is in the Most Inspirational blog top 10. She truly is an inspiration and deserves to win this. Please pop along and read her blog and vote for her. The other gem I wish to mention is Carolyn of Laughingaloneithedark. She is in the best Mommy blog top 10 and so very deserves to be there. She is a bright new thing who is a tremendous writer with pathos and humour. Watch out for her as I believe she is a real talent on the up.

So dear peeps, I am really excited about this development so if you feel it in your heart to make an old bag’s day then please pop along and vote for me. A whole bunch of Mwah, Mwah type air kisses to all and sundry who support me. Do a kind act, you’ll feel better for it and the universe will repay you with even more kindness!

And we can all do with just that little bit more kindness and luck in our lives. MWAH!